I am a control freak. There, I put it in writing. How I got this far in my adult life without being aware of that is a testament to the power of delusion. All this time I had prided myself on being a free, creative rebel. Honestly, rebels don’t become bankers or project managers. There is a huge part of me that likes to have things a certain way, “my way”, and my brain would go absolutely wonky when that didn’t happen. But the people pleaser in me wouldn’t let me say it out loud. I would try to “fix” things to get it done “my way.” Needless to say it led to tons of frustration in my working and personal relationships. Somehow I convinced myself that people were secretly intent on pissing me off which is weirdly needy and narcissistic at the same time. Yeah, yeah, I am an actor…of course I have issues!
Mercifully, this year I started practicing Kundalini yoga. The beauty of Kundalini yoga is that it helps to quiet your “whiny” mind and teaches you to be more flexible mentally and physically. It involves a lot of meditation. I am slowly changing my rigid mind to a “bendy” mind. My biggest discovery was to consider that what if there was another way to approach EVERYTHING? Imagine me holding on tightly to all my beliefs, clinging. Then imagine me opening up and letting it all go. Then it doesn’t matter if something doesn’t get done exactly how I wanted it done. Learning to be mentally flexible is a process, don’t get me wrong. Just like it takes time to get all those poses perfected physically, it takes time mentally to push through to where you are going. During this push, I am discovering my true voice and it sounds beautiful to me. My mind is quieter and clearer. I am on a journey and it feels amazing.
Speaking of amazing, I had an audition last night for an NYU student film. The role was that of a cop. It felt really good to get out an act. Instead of worrying about what the outcome of the audition might eventually be, I just lived as the person in that moment. It doesn’t really matter if I get the part. What matters is that at that time, in that moment, I did the best that I could do. Isn't that the only thing we ever really can control? Would it be great if I got the part? Of course! But I am practicing being desirous of nothing. I am an actor and yesterday I got to act. Life is amazing.
“Only a brave person is willing to honestly admit, and fearlessly to face, what a sincere and logical mind discovers.” - Aristotle
Mercifully, this year I started practicing Kundalini yoga. The beauty of Kundalini yoga is that it helps to quiet your “whiny” mind and teaches you to be more flexible mentally and physically. It involves a lot of meditation. I am slowly changing my rigid mind to a “bendy” mind. My biggest discovery was to consider that what if there was another way to approach EVERYTHING? Imagine me holding on tightly to all my beliefs, clinging. Then imagine me opening up and letting it all go. Then it doesn’t matter if something doesn’t get done exactly how I wanted it done. Learning to be mentally flexible is a process, don’t get me wrong. Just like it takes time to get all those poses perfected physically, it takes time mentally to push through to where you are going. During this push, I am discovering my true voice and it sounds beautiful to me. My mind is quieter and clearer. I am on a journey and it feels amazing.
Speaking of amazing, I had an audition last night for an NYU student film. The role was that of a cop. It felt really good to get out an act. Instead of worrying about what the outcome of the audition might eventually be, I just lived as the person in that moment. It doesn’t really matter if I get the part. What matters is that at that time, in that moment, I did the best that I could do. Isn't that the only thing we ever really can control? Would it be great if I got the part? Of course! But I am practicing being desirous of nothing. I am an actor and yesterday I got to act. Life is amazing.
“Only a brave person is willing to honestly admit, and fearlessly to face, what a sincere and logical mind discovers.” - Aristotle
Happy Birthday!
Sally Field [1946], Peter DeLuise [1966], Glenn Frey (Eagles) [1948], Corey Glover (Living Color) [1964], Ethan Hawke [1970], Stonewall Jackson [1932], Maria Shriver [1955],
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