Finding the Time

It's been a busy year of travel for me. Eight places in 8 months has made me an official road warrior! I had a lot of "First" flights including to Toronto, Denver, DC, and St. Louis. Also extremely grateful when I get to upgrade to 1st class. That extra leg room can be heavenly on the flight home after two weeks in a stiff hotel bed. Whew!

Alright, the eagle has landed and is sorting out things for the end of the year. Can you believe it is the end of the year, damn near?? Also the end of my 30's. I swear I don't know where the time went.

The older I get the louder I hear "Why am I here? Do I matter?" ringing in my head. I must find my purpose. That is job #1.

Lastly, I quit smoking, as of today. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Carpe diem!

Return of the Badass

Often times in life we have to take our fate into our own hands. Actually our fate is always in our own hands, we have to accept responsibility for it. I have spent the last year understanding that and embracing it.

During this time I have taken on more film roles and more producing jobs. Finally, I have written my own script called "Organ Donor" and will set about producing it in San Francisco the summer of 2011.

In order to pay for the production I have created a fundraiser that transforms me into a pin-up. The final product is a pin-up calendar for 2011, entitled what else? Badass Nika Brown. We finished all the photography last week and now I have to get them into a calendar layout and in the hands of hungry customers.

As luck would have it, when it rains it pours. I produced a short film called Veterans in January 2010. The film walked away with a Faculty Selects Award (Top 7 of 50), Best Female Director, and Best Cinematographer awards last week at the Columbia University Film Festival. The cast and crew is very excited and looking forward to a successful festival run for the 2011-2012 season.

All in all, it was a damn good week. I don't want to take over the world, just my little corner of it. ;-)

Dream Large and Live Larger

As luck and life happen, as soon as I started blogging again my life got really busy. My intent is to have thoughtful content here which takes time. I just don't have the time right now to do that. Please place a bookmark here and check back at the end of next month.

In the meantime, please send good vibes into the universe for me. I just got another promotion on my day job. It involves more responsibility, more money, and more intellectually stimulating work. I am also producing a short film called Veteran's for a Columbia grad student. We'll shoot that in Reno, NV in January at a fully functioning brothel. It is a great script and a great concept. We have actors attached that have got great resumes and I am looking forward to the project having legs and making the festival circuit.

I am ripping my own script, Organ Donor, to shreds and prepping for a shoot in San Francisco next summer. Shooting on location is going to take some decent paper. Which leads me to my most pressing project a 2010 calendar that is a fundraiser for my pet project.

I am really excited about the calendar. The concept is Badass Nika Brown super hero slash pin up girl. It is really hot and the plan is to raise $2000 with the calendar. It's a tall order, I know. I dream large and live larger. Welcome to my world where vision and delusion collide.

If you are interested in the calender shoot me an email at BadassNikaBrown@gmail.com. The cost is $20 and it's 12 months of me in an artsy, sexy pin-up fantasy. In addition to getting a great calendar you will be helping me take my script to the screen.

Lastly, in January I'll loosen the reigns on my secret identity. That alone should be worth checking in on me. ;-)

Happy Veterans Day!

Thank you to all who had the courage to make the commitment and serve.

Here is footage from my visit to the USS Arizona in 2007.




Happy Birthday! : Leonardo DiCaprio [1974], Max Grodenchik, Demi Moore [1962], Phillip McKeon, Jonathan Winters [1925].

Bendy Mind (or The Power of Letting Go)

I am a control freak. There, I put it in writing. How I got this far in my adult life without being aware of that is a testament to the power of delusion. All this time I had prided myself on being a free, creative rebel. Honestly, rebels don’t become bankers or project managers. There is a huge part of me that likes to have things a certain way, “my way”, and my brain would go absolutely wonky when that didn’t happen. But the people pleaser in me wouldn’t let me say it out loud. I would try to “fix” things to get it done “my way.” Needless to say it led to tons of frustration in my working and personal relationships. Somehow I convinced myself that people were secretly intent on pissing me off which is weirdly needy and narcissistic at the same time. Yeah, yeah, I am an actor…of course I have issues!

Mercifully, this year I started practicing Kundalini yoga. The beauty of Kundalini yoga is that it helps to quiet your “whiny” mind and teaches you to be more flexible mentally and physically. It involves a lot of meditation. I am slowly changing my rigid mind to a “bendy” mind. My biggest discovery was to consider that what if there was another way to approach EVERYTHING? Imagine me holding on tightly to all my beliefs, clinging. Then imagine me opening up and letting it all go. Then it doesn’t matter if something doesn’t get done exactly how I wanted it done. Learning to be mentally flexible is a process, don’t get me wrong. Just like it takes time to get all those poses perfected physically, it takes time mentally to push through to where you are going. During this push, I am discovering my true voice and it sounds beautiful to me. My mind is quieter and clearer. I am on a journey and it feels amazing.

Speaking of amazing, I had an audition last night for an NYU student film. The role was that of a cop. It felt really good to get out an act. Instead of worrying about what the outcome of the audition might eventually be, I just lived as the person in that moment. It doesn’t really matter if I get the part. What matters is that at that time, in that moment, I did the best that I could do. Isn't that the only thing we ever really can control? Would it be great if I got the part? Of course! But I am practicing being desirous of nothing. I am an actor and yesterday I got to act. Life is amazing.

“Only a brave person is willing to honestly admit, and fearlessly to face, what a sincere and logical mind discovers.” - Aristotle

Happy Birthday!
Sally Field [1946], Peter DeLuise [1966], Glenn Frey (Eagles) [1948], Corey Glover (Living Color) [1964], Ethan Hawke [1970], Stonewall Jackson [1932], Maria Shriver [1955],

Unknown Artist (or La Raison d'Etre)

Thanks for dropping by again today. I am glad you responded to my link in the email announcement that I had resurrected my blogging habit. (If you stumbled here randomly then you have no idea who I am and that is just fine, too!) I am currently content to be the Unknown Artist. However, I wanted to pay full homage to my hero complex and thus named this blog Badass Nika Brown.

I had been blogging from 2003 to 2008 under my real name. It was harmless enough. Then someone was researching me for non-acting purposes and there was my blog for all the world to see, directly linked to me. It happened twice in a three month period. One incident involved a legal matter. Yep, my blog was entered as evidence in a court of law. The second was a job opportunity, which I ultimately loss. Don’t get me wrong. I am not hiding the fact that I am an actor. I just don’t want to be judged for being an actor without having an opportunity to put it into perspective. Once I make my living solely as an actor, then who cares what surfaces in a Google search? But as long as I am reliant on the corporate machine for my primary income, then I have to play by the rules.

Not using my real name on this page also provides a thin veil of cover from the big muckety mucks in the industry as well. An actor up for a series or a major film role is usually researched by the business affairs department before contracts are finalized. Why make my personal thoughts on the industry subject to a hit on a Google alert? Of course a bit more due diligence will land you here, eventually. When this happens frequently enough it will be safe to say my quest for such anonymity will be moot.

My circumstances dictate that I require a veil of anonymity until I make a sustainable living solely as an artist. Obviously, the more paid work I obtain as an actor the less important remaining anonymous here becomes. Please understand that fame and fortune are not my desired outcome. In fact, after walking the red carpet twice this year, I am certain I would not do well under heavy scrutiny. I am sure it gets easier each time, but it is unmistakably a lot of work. This past week I had a discussion with two friends about my desires, or lack thereof, for fame and fortune, which I will blog about later.

“Clarity is obtained when you can separate your sleep dreams, your fears, your fantasies and your reality”. - Rodan of Alexandria

Cue music: Steve Wonder, Happy birthday to ya’!
Ralph Macchio [1962], Matthew McConaughey [1969], Markie Post [1950], Doris Roberts [1929] and Loretta Swit [1937].

Reality Check

I am one of those odd artists that has a good right brain/left brain mix. It has helped me hold jobs such as a compliance auditor, policy writer and now project manager. I have a business degree. Yet, until early this year, I never applied this business sense fully to my life as an artist. I had grand delusions that I would eventually make enough money as an artist that money would never be an issue. Boy did I pay a price for lying to myself like that!

Unless you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth, coming up with a strong financial plan is imperative to your long term viability. Of course we all want to make a living solely as an artist. But you need to have a good relationship with money so you can sleep comfortably in the meantime!

Also, in moving to New York, I have acquired more of a sense of being a "citizen of the world"..which means I must behave accordingly. What the heck does that mean? I am making a more concerted effort to live in harmony with the world. Learning about what is going on in the economy, politics, and the environment. As long as I am living, I might as well be learning. Eh?

I will be exploring this here in this blog. I still love shoes, wine, and dry humor...so that will come up here, too!

This is my journey as a human being. Thanks for visiting!